The academic truth.

Within my group of friends im the smart one, the clever one, the one with the academic future, im the one who will read over their essays, the one they talk to when their course gets hard, the one who studies on a saturday and the one who tests them the night before the exam. I am not the pretty one, I am not the fashionable one, I am not the funny one, the cool one or the exciting one, Im the who they come looking for in the library. Its always been this way, my love of books (of the nonfiction variety), essays, and first class marks has branded me. But as my academic career comes to an end I really wonder if I can keep this up?
If I dont get the grades, if my graduation doesn't have a first printed on it, who will I be? I will be your average graduate with a 2:1 imprinted on my CV, dont get me wrong this is a perfectly acceptable way to leave education, but after the social and personal sacrifices I have made during my 16 years of education, I need more, I cant fall of the top spot now.
And even if am successful, when leaving the epicentre of learning what will I have left?
Maybe I should have taken dance classes, singing lessons, spent more time with boys, so that when the real world opens its doors I will have something to talk about. What really becomes of the A grade student after university?
Most would wonder why this plagues me at 00.33 on a tuesday morning, but if all my studies can offer me is a job, surely everyone else in whatever career path I take will have the same academic CV, and nothing will single me out, I will just fall into the pool of 20 something graduates who took nothing from university bar their reading lists.
Should I have joined more societies? Tried out for team sports? If I was the captain of the netball team that would quash my fears surely? I've never taken extra curricular activities seriously, for me the D of E was for those who couldnt get straight grades, I seen past that section of my personal statement, secure in my academic abilities leading me to success. Even now I own no stash, who needs a printed jumper when they can right an essay?
Has this egocentric side got the better of me? I justify my pretentious approach with the phrase ' my intelligence is all I have', allowing my friends to pity me, conjouring the image of me alone surrounded by books, and even though this isn't far from the truth, why have I let this be all I have? What is so wrong with playing water polo twice a week? Blindsighted by the benefits of education, I dont quite know how to get out.
In these three years I am supposed to find myself, but all I seem to have found is debt and social insecurity, I am less prepared for the adult realm than I was at 17.
My friends would tell me not to worry, my grades will get me through, but my knowledge of the third reich and my deep understanding of the british political system wont find me a husband, wont teach me how to look after my children, and wont protect me from the next recession.
The bar is higher now than I ever thought it could be, I aim high, I always have, but this aim was academic, but as I watch my relationships crumble due to my one track mind, I worry that when the grades dont matter, I will once again be the 11 year old reading in the playground whilst everyone else plays kiss chase...